With Her By My Side
by onetruelove23
Summary: An AU that changes how certain events happened from the Rizzoli and Isles plot line. Maura and Jane, through a series of tragic events, realize their true dependence on one another and the real dynamics of their relationship. Warning: Character death (don't freak out). The characters do not belong to me, but instead to Tess Gerritsen.
1. Chapter 1

Another day starts with a frigidly cold shower, a broken coffee pot, and the fear of being late AGAIN. I walk straight into the cafe as I arrive, unbuttoning the black flak jacket that I'm wearing so that a small amount of my grey v-neck shows through and going to get the cup of coffee that I am long overdue for.

Maura walks in close behind me while I'm fidgeting with the disposable coffee cup lid. "Good morning, Jane." She's wearing an aqua-colored button-up tucked into a black and white striped skirt. Her black cut off boots have a large stiletto on the back, so she is practically my height. I find myself staring at the unbuttoned area of her blouse, my throat going dry as I realize that I probably look incredibly awkward. _She's so gorgeous._

I clear my throat before responding. "Hey Maur..." I finally get my lid securely on the top of my cup.

She smiles brightly while pouring her own cup of coffee, briefly extending her hand to squeeze my forearm. "I love it when you call me that." Her statement acts as an encouragement for me to continue using this abbreviation of her name that is known only by me.

I don't know exactly how to respond to that, my cheeks flushing slightly. _What's wrong with you, Rizzoli?_ I sigh internally, knowing exactly what I want to say. _I love being around you._ I falter yet again on what to say, but luckily enough for me, Maura speaks once more. "Why don't we go out together for lunch today? We hardly ever take the entire hour." She turns to look at me, so I turn towards her as well.

"Of course...I mean, s-sounds great." I take a sip from my coffee awkwardly after smiling at her, and I wonder if she realizes the affect she has on me.

"Fantastic...It's a date." She squeezes my free hand gently with hers before walking past me to go down to the forensics lab. _If only it was the kind of date that I truly want._

I cannot press the elevator button fast enough. _You have never sounded more like a senseless cyborg than just now...Great job, Poindexter._ I step into the elevator and let out a sigh of relief when the doors close behind me. _Well, at least I got what I was after...a date with Jane. _Though it isn't the real kind of date that I was too sheepish to ask her out on, it is a step in the right direction for now. I simply need to be alone with her enough to tell her how I'm feeling...about her. I need to be honest with her or I'm going to go insane. _How long have I been in love with her and just not realized it?_ I shake my head, not wanting to question my past observance level and instead wanting to think about how gorgeous my best friend is and how there has never been anyone in this world more perfect for me. I cannot wait for lunch, sitting down and getting to work while counting the minutes.

"Seriously, Maur? I thought you would prefer some snooty, high-class, membership-required to even have ice in your water type of place, not the Dirty Robber. I figured you just came here to please me." I open the door for her into the bar, letting her walk through before following.

"Well, Jane, I cannot lie: I've grown accustomed to it, but I suppose at first it was just to insure that you were enjoying yourself whenever we went out." We sit down in our usual booth across from each other and in a more secluded area of the pub. We go ahead and order our drinks, mine being a beer and hers water and white wine.

I respond once the waiter has left our table. "I always enjoy myself around you." I realize how the wording of what I said could be awkward, so I take a sip from my beer and fidget my thumbs on the table nervously.

The statement that I thought was a prime example of my inability to function properly around Maura and incredibly embarrassing seems to have a wondrous effect on Maura. She reaches her hand across the table and takes mine with it, stroking my knuckles gently while she responds. "And I with you, Jane..." She keeps speaking, though she maintains her grip on my hand. _I'm holding hands in public with __**the**__ Maura_ Isles. I can feel the blood rushing to my cheeks for the second time today as I look across at her, trying to stay calm. "Anyways, the reason that I wanted to go out today with you was mainly to talk...alone...about some things that have been on my mind lately.

"A-Alright. What's wrong? Did I do something?" I can feel my hand tightening around hers unintentionally, but she takes it as a sign of affection and reaches her other hand up to take mine as well.

"No, sweetie. Don't worry...I just think I need to be completely honest with you about some things..." She looks down at our hands knotted together (my other one had joined in as well) and 'gathers her bearings' before continuing on. _I've never seen her so nervous...what does she need to tell me?_ I can feel her hands shaking slightly, causing me to squeeze them again. She finally continues. "Jane, I don't think that my feelings for you are strictly...platonic...I feel very partial to you physically and emotionally, and I think I've been trying to mask that as something that has sprang from our being best friends, but really it's something else altogether." I feel my jaw hanging down and my mouth wide open, but luckily Maura doesn't notice before I regain my wits and close it. "I want us to be...closer, Jane. Let this be me 'putting the ball in your court,' so to speak...I really hope this doesn't ruin our friendship, though, even if you are completely opposed to everything that I've suggested."

Words get stuck on the tip of my tongue as I look into her open and highly-vulnerable hazel eyes. This is the side of her that only I get to see...the side with her emotions, where her walls that she has built against the world are actually able to come down. "Maura..." I instinctively raise her hands up to my lips, kissing them both gently. Horribly enough, I don't get the chance to respond because I see Frost hurriedly making his way towards us. "We'll talk about this later" is all that I manage to squeak out before pulling my hands back so that Frost doesn't see. Maura looks disappointed, to say the least.

"Frost, can we not have just _an hour_ to be alone? _Sheesh._" I finish drinking my beer, knowing that Frost is going to tell us we're needed at some new crime scene.

"Quit whining, De-tective and follow me. You too, Doc. Looks like Marino's men left us another fun surprise a few blocks over." Frost heads toward the door and waits there for us as we get out coats and Maura gets her purse.

"Maur, this conversation is not over...I don't want you to feel that I'm leaving you hanging simply because of Frost being here ruining everything. When would you like to continue it?" I help her put her blazer on before slipping back into my jacket.

"You can spend the night tonight at my house. I really don't want to wait any more time before we talk about this, okay?" Her eyes look very downcast, and I assume it's because of how exposed she has allowed herself to be. I don't even think about it as I wrap an arm around her waist and walk her to the front door where Frost is, whispering that everything is going to be okay before he is within earshot.

"Ready to go? I figured we could all just ride in my car since it's so close." Frost states while hanging up on the crime techs who are impatiently awaiting our arrival.

"Sounds good." Frost heads outside first with us following behind him.

Maura's heel gets caught in the pavement, holding us up as I try to help her and prevent her from falling. We don't hear when Frost calls out our name the first time, nor the second. Once I finally help her to get unstuck, we both are aware of the third time he calls out our names, but we still don't turn our heads. Not until we hear the gunshot echo and the sound of his body crashing down to the ground.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm the first to respond, my doctor-instincts kicking in as I kneel beside Frost with my purse full of medical equipment. Jane and I both catch a glimpse of the shooter barreling down the nearest alleyway. She looks at me completely conflicted, obviously deciding whether to help her partner or to get the man who did this.

"_GO!" _I call out the decision for her, and no sooner than I say it she is running down the street. A man who came out of the restaurant after us calls 911 for me as I go through the basics. _Airway, Breathing, Circulation._ Frost's eyelids flutter slightly when I lean over his mouth to listen for breath.

"Doc..." His voice is so weak that it pains me.

"You're going to be alright, Barry." I feel for a pulse and find that it is very faint. I push my entire weight onto the gunshot wound that is his chest. Warm blood surges through my fingers with every beat of his heart, and I realize that an artery must have been penetrated by the bullet. _Oh God..._I have to focus all my energy on counteracting my desire to vomit. _This is my friend's blood...this is my friend's life that's in danger._

"Doc...Thanks for always being such a great friend...Tell Jane and Korsak that, too...and Frankie...Don't know what I'd do...without y-you..." He is struggling to breathe now, looking into my eyes pitifully. I push even harder onto the wound, crying out as I realize that his pulse is weakening.

"Barry! Barry, don't you leave me! The Paramedics will be here soon!" A final pulse of blood comes out of the wound, coating my hands, arms, and skirt and pooling at my knees. The flow stops as Frost's eyes roll back in his head. "BARRY, NO!" I grip his chin with my hand and shake him back and forth, finding a faint pulse that indicates the probable termination of oxygen going into the brain but that he is still alive. I hug him tightly while I press on the wound. The paramedics come at about that time, taking him away from me and loading him into the back of the ambulance.

I feel myself sliding back onto my knees from where I had stood on them to examine Frost. I hear Jane run up and try to talk to me, but I just stare off into the sidewalk where Frost's blood has already started to turn a deep, blackish burgundy from drying in the cement. I estimate he's lost about two liters of blood, most of it being stained into my clothes and on my body from my neck down to my knees. I finally process the words that Jane is saying, since she is repeating herself for the third time as she crouches down beside me.

"_Maura, we need to go to the hospital."_ She tries to help me up, but I refuse her assistance. I simply get up and meekly climb into the back of Korsak's unmarked while Jane gets into the front, hating myself for knowing that Frost isn't going to make it and hating the fact that I didn't save him.

_"Detective Frost is still in surgery...We're doing everything we can...We'll let you know when we get more results."_ Korsak is comforting Frost's family while Jane is talking to the doctor. _I know those responses are just to make everyone feel better..._I sit away from everyone else, behind another wall so that Frost's family members cannot see me. _I cannot bear to look at them right now._ I wrap my arms around myself, letting tears stream my face but refusing to make any sound. _I don't deserve anyone's sympathy...My own incompetence cost Frost his life._ I lean over with my hands over my eyes and my elbows on my knees, crying my heart out with my body shaking with each sob. _Just like Frost's body shook when his artery was severed and his blood poured out of his body onto my hands. _I feel the layer of blood that is still all over my body, and I suddenly feel nauseated with myself. _I should have been shot, not Frost. He's actually a good person. _This truth is perfectly illustrated in the literal and metaphorical blood that my hands are caked in.

I don't hear Jane when she walks up and sits beside me. I only realize her presence when she wraps her arms around me and pulls me close to her. She whispers into my ear "It's over." _Frost's dead..._Now I cannot even mute the sound of my bawling as I cling to her arm that comes in front of my neck, sobbing loudly with my eyes squeezed shut. I pray that if there is a God that He will trade out the life of Frost for my own. It's clear who deserved to live and who truly deserved to die.

_Oh Maura_...I bury my head into her neck as I let her get out all of her sadness. The sadness that I feel within my own heart is amplified when I see it in my beautiful best friend. True, I've always been prepared to lose my partner in the field, but Maura's pain is making this practically unbearable.

When her heart-breaking cries are reduced to quiet hiccups, tears still streaming her face, I help her stand up and let her put basically all of her weight onto me, my arm around her waist. "Ma brought you some clothes to change into..." I can barely look down at her body, seeing how the blood on her clothes looks almost black now and how her skin is tinted with red. She nods solemnly, gripping my hand tightly with hers as I lead her to an empty hospital room that we are allowed to get her cleaned up in.

I lock the door behind us when we get in there, wordlessly helping her undress down to her underwear. She goes into the bathroom to scrub the dried blood off while I bag up her clothes and get out her new ones. She comes back shivering but blood-free. I act as a mother would, pulling one of her favorite emerald green sweaters over her shoulders and helping her get her arms into it. I then help her into her black yoga pants and shoes and drape my jacket around her shoulders. She looks at me gratefully, standing like an insecure and sad puppy.

We just wait there, studying each other for a moment before she rushes into my arms. She clings to me tightly, and I can feel her unceasing trembling. I pull back to press my lips to her cheek, making full contact and holding my position for a minute or so.

Her voice is broken, but she finally speaks, it being the first time she had for the past four hours. "Will you still come home with me? I-I can't b-be alone..."

"Of course, Maura...of course." I kiss her cheek again before taking her hand and leading her out of the hospital. She clutches my hand desperately, tears still trickling periodically out of her eyes.

"Thank you..." I whisper quietly as Jane hands me a cup of decaf coffee and sits on the other side of the couch. Silent petitions and yearnings circulate through my brain, all of which are filled with the desire that Jane might hold me again.

"Anything for you..." She coos as she says it, pulling my legs onto her lap. If it weren't for Angela just steps away preparing food in the kitchen, I would love to continue our conversation from earlier, just to get my mind off of...Frost. I take a few sips from my coffee and set it down, curling up underneath my blanket to where I'm resting my head on the back of the couch. Jane gently strokes her hands up and down my legs, looking into my eyes with a sad smile on her face. I admire how she has stayed so strong in all of this...I reach out silently, taking her hand in mine and pressing a kiss to it like she had done to mine earlier. _She's got to be hurting too, and look at me...being so selfish. _

"I'm sorry, Jane." I maintain a barely-audible volume as I release her hand, wrapping my arms around my torso. "You don't have to stay tonight. I'm being ridiculously self-centered."

"Self-centered? Maura, that doesn't make any sense..." When she sees that her disagreement with me is bringing tears to my eyes, she shifts out from under me and kneels directly in front of me. I try to look away as tears fall down my cheeks, but she forces my gaze back to meet hers with a hand on my cheek. "You cannot possibly think of any of this as your fault, can you?" She doesn't say it in an accusatory manner but instead one of high-concern. When I do not answer, simply closing my eyes and keeping them shut, she puts her hands on my shoulders to emphasize her next point. "Maura, you did what you knew to do: you tried to save your colleague, and by golly if you didn't do an amazing job...Obviously Frost didn't make it, but there's no way _on_ earth that that is your fault." She strokes my cheeks with both of her hands now, running her fingers under my eyes whenever new tears appear.

"But Jane..." I sob quietly right when I make my next statement. "Here I am having you and your mother take care of me like I'm incapable of doing that myself, and you're hurting just as much as I am." My face crumples up and I sob again. Angela asks what's wrong, but Jane quickly shushes in the most-polite way possible.

"Maur, you're right, I _am_ hurting. A lot. But right now, you're my top priority. I'm dealing with my problems in my own way and time, don't worry about that, but right now I'm focused on _you_. You're my best friend and probably the person whom I'm the closest to on this planet, and honestly, it disturbs me how no one has been there for you your entire life...I guess I just want to show you that I do care about you and love you…and that you don't have to do everything by yourself." Her absolutely-heartfelt response drives me to more tears, but these ones are of joy. I throw my arms around her as she lies down on the couch, pulling me against her with my head on her chest as I finally empty myself of tears. She strokes my hair gently, making calming noises and assuring me that everything is okay.

After a few moments, Angela walks over to see us cuddled on the couch. She smiles lovingly down at us, putting a platter on the coffee table. "I made you two some soup..." She reaches down and holds one of my hands and one of Jane's. "Just so you two know..._I approve._" She leans over and kisses Jane's head and then mine. "And I love you both. Good night." She smiles again at us before walking out the door to the guest house.

Jane chuckles softly, laying her head on top of mine while I cuddle my body on hers. "I suppose even Ma is picking up on what you told me at lunch." I giggle too, the first time in what feels like is forever, even if it's only been a few hours. _So much has happened today..._She pauses for a few seconds before continuing. "But I don't care if you don't care..."

I turn my head to look into her eyes. "I don't care either..." With that, I lay my head back down on Jane's chest and fully accept the warmth and security that she emanates.


End file.
